


Deck the Hells!

by Pikablukachu



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Action, But also, Christmas, Christmas Party, Comedy, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gen, Punching, Violence, not hugely violent but poor fairies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:21:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21974995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pikablukachu/pseuds/Pikablukachu
Summary: Meiling had been hoping that the Scarlet Devil Mansion's residents could finally relax and spend some time together during the annual Christmas Party...Unfortunately, she wasn't counting on a certain eccentric god deciding that the mansion would make a great place for HER Christmas Party. Meiling also wasn't counting on having to punch things. A festively spiritual sequel to "Moriya Christmas!".
Relationships: Hong Meiling/Izayoi Sakuya, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays! Sorry it's a little late.
> 
> Last year I wrote an Xmas one-shot, "Moriya Christmas!". Last month I was thinking about how I wanted to write SakuMei, and the pun "deck the hells" (from "deck the halls" of course) fell into my head.
> 
> The idea for an even more absurd (and weirdly violent) Xmas comedy-fic quickly blossomed from there. This fic, the silliest and most over the top thing I've written so far, is the result. Enjoy!

"W-wait up! Uhm, Sakuya!"

She tilted her head kindly, long silver braids flopping over her shoulder. Her fluffy fringe bounced with a playful lightness that never seemed to match her dramatic, performed body language. "I'm sorry, Meiling, I really am busy. We have a big party today, you know?" she said.

That same 'I'm sorry, but I really am busy' look she always puts on. Maybe with a hint more exasperation this time? Oh god, had Meiling been too pushy?

Despite being at least a head shorter than the impressively tall Hong Meiling, the splendid way Sakuya Izayoi wore herself always made her _seem_ like the taller of the two.

Especially when Meiling was feeling so... insecure.

Mm... but maybe she was just imagining it, so she tried to put on a strong smile. "Y-yeah... I just hope we can spend some time together soon."

A simple nod and a sweet smile from Sakuya, like always. "I hope so, too." She said. Then she turned, and headed away to the kitchen.

Meiling, quickly defeated, slumped by the stairway banister with a languid sigh and a heaviness in her heart.

"It _is_ the festive season, after all," Sakuya hummed with a flirty, fond tone, just before leaving earshot. Fond words gave Meiling's heart the little lift it needed to nod back, to playfully salute and send the maid on her way.

... But then, another sigh once she was out of sight.

Sakuya was a very busy woman, and it _was_ Christmas.

Meiling wasn't always privy to the elaborate plans of meals and decorations the maids had planned for the festive period. Hell, not even the _Mistress_ always knew what Sakuya had planned! So her busyness did make an awful lot of sense.

It made sense, yes, but it meant less time spent together! And Meiling never really had mastered the art of asking to spend time with her girlfriend without feeling like a nuisance!

Meiling slumped her back against the wall, her long red hair messily falling over her green top, her green hat flopping ungracefully over her forehead.

"Uggh... I really screwed up..." she groaned.

"And what, pray-tell, have you ‘screwed up’?" came a shrill yet motherly voice - a voice that was all-too-familiar to anyone who had ever visited the Scarlet Devil Mansion.

“A-ack! Mistress-!!” Meiling jolted to her feet in an instant, her hat springing back atop her head, “I-I was just getting back to my post, don't worry!" her hair now seemed even more of a mess, but at least it was doing a good job of distracting from the embarrassed pink of her face.

"If you are not at your post, then it can only be because I have deemed it appropriate!" Remilia Scarlet, the Lord of the Mansion, playfully forgave Meiling for slacking. This was a pretty common occurrence the last few decades; she had chilled out an awful lot since the move to Gensokyo.

"Th-thank you, Mistress." Meiling stood straight and saluted, still blushing, now mostly just in insecurity.

"Think nothing of it, for I am feeling veritably festive this holiday season! Now in the spirit of giving; what ails you, Meiling?"

E-eh!? Remilia was genuinely asking Meiling what was _wrong_? It was normal for her to be in high-spirits in this darker time of year, but still...

With a sigh, Meiling begun. "As you asked, Mistress..." she shyly turned in the direction of the kitchens with a pout, "I-I just kinda miss Sakuya, you know? I was hoping everyone in the mansion could relax for Christmas, but she's still so busy..."

"Ahhhh..." Remilia nodded sagely, crossing her arms and cupping her chin in her hand, "young love..."

' _None of us are particularly young._ ' Meiling squinted, but thought best to keep that thought to herself.

Remilia dramatically flung her hand to her chest. "Fear not, mine timid gatekeeper! She may seem cool and distant right now, but once the festivities are in full swing she is certain to relax! Why, _true_ _relaxation_ is the only jolly atmosphere befitting of a Scarlet Devil Mansion Christmas Party!"

The Mistress’ excitement was entertaining but Meiling couldn't help but find it strange. The mansion usually celebrated Christmas on some small level yes, but this was the first time Remilia had been this _pumped_ about it. "By the way, Mistress... why the extra-big focus on Christmas this year?"

A sinister glint of scheming bristled Remilia's eyes as she held her hand over her mouth, cackling quietly. "That modern girl's Christmas festivities last year may have made an impression on the humans of Gensokyo... but why then, should we not throw an even _more_ extravagant Christmas party and show those insouciant shrine maidens how it is _done_ , hm!?"

' _... So, she got jealous of Sanae's Christmas party last year!?_ '

"With Sakuya's planning and my natural charisma for attracting exciting attention, no other Christmas party in Gensokyo stands a chance in _Hell_! Kyahahaha _hahahaah_!!"

Admittedly, Remilia's uh... festive 'cheer', had more than helped to put a smile back on Meiling's face. She stood firm and gave Remilia a roused salute, "Right you are, Mistress! Maybe we'll even get some exciting guests of our own!"

"As I am certain we will!" Remilia stomped victoriously to the head of the grand staircase. She looked proudly over the mansion’s parade of fairy maids, setting up decorations all about the brilliantly enchanting entrance hall.

"Why, for all we know, company could be about to knock on my magnificent front doors this very _instant_!" The boisterous vampire dramatically flung her finger to point at the grand entrance-way, and the moment her finger met its target...

*KNOCK, KNOCK*

"Whoa." Remilia recoiled her hand to her chest and blinked, "I didn't expect that to work so well." she muttered.

Meiling giggled at Remilia’s reaction, but figured that as gatekeeper she should probably at least make sure it wasn't trouble. Flying down the stairs, she was of course beaten to the front door by Sakuya - as impressively-everywhere as always.

"Oh, Sakuya...!" Meiling's eyes widened with a blush.

Sakuya tilted her head back just before opening the door. "There's my favourite backup. Get ready for a fight."

The shocked blush on Meiling's cheeks deepened. "H-huh!?" ' _Huh!? A fight!?_ '

There was no time to contemplate how severely Sakuya was joking though; she immediately threw the doors open.

"Hellooooooo~!"

Blood-red hair down to bare shoulders. A dark and brazen t-shirt with "Satan's Little Helper <3" scrawled on it in hot pink. A glowing, pulsing, red and purple sphere in her weird hat.

Meiling gulped as a nameless fear bubbled up heavily in her heart, threatening to tug it straight down into her stomach. This overwhelming presence... this _power_... There was probably no one else it _could_ be.

A Goddess of Hell... Hecatia Lapislazuli.

"Evenin', guys! Greetings of seasoning, or somethin'."

A Goddess of Hell who was stood with... uh... Marisa Kirisame?

"What the _HELL_ are _you_ doing here?" came Remilia's bark as she flew down to stand beside Sakuya at the front door.

Marisa flung her hip to one side and put a weighty fist on it. "Great, now you've gone 'n' done it, Remi."

A huge, devilish grin flashed upon Hecatia's face, her cheeks growing a lively and jubilant pink. "Haha! Ahahaha _hahaha_! 'What the _hell_ '! That's good, that's super good. I'm already glad we came here."

"Quite the couple you two make." Sakuya fearlessly crossed her arms with a smirk, looking directly at Marisa.

Marisa grinned back, "You bet yer blood-suckin' ass! We've come t' make a Christmas party offer you guys won't be able to refuse." she stuck her nose up as she walked, inviting herself into the mansion followed by an ominously floating Hecatia.

Meiling could only hop and squirm anxiously on the spot as the two waltzed past her with nary but friendly waves, towards a set of fancy chairs in the foyer.

Remilia's pointy ears pricked, and her slightly irked expression softened into one of intrigue. Had this, perhaps, all gone according to her grand plans after all?

"... I'm listening."

Hecatia dramatically stepped one of her high-heeled boots to the shiny foyer flooring with a sharp clack, "Aha! I had a _feeling_ you would be a woman of taste!" The eccentric god swung her head towards Remilia with vigour, her silky red hair delicately skimming her shoulders.

"I am planning... a one-of-a-kind contest of strength! The best of the brawny! The cream of the crunched pecs! And I'd like you lot to get involved. Actually, this mansion seems like the ideal stage for a show this _grandiose_."

Meiling, Remilia and Sakuya all blinked at Hecatia and Marisa’s matching smug expressions with sheer disbelief. Noticing that even Sakuya was confused, Meiling plucked up her slumped posture and raised a finger in question.

"Urm," she said, "what does a test of strength have to do with Christmas?"

"I'm very glad you asked!" Hecatia pointed excitedly at Meiling, "It has _nothing_ to do with Christmas! But I've got a lot of buddies from Hell who have been super good this year and deserve a little R&R. So! I thought I'd throw them a bone and do something fun."

"And what, dare I ask, is in it for _us_ , hm?" Remilia fearlessly paced around Hecatia and Marisa with a wickedly haughty grin, "You think I shall simply allow you all to usurp my own unrivalled Christmas party with your _barbaric riff-raff?_ "

As if anticipating this exact question, Marisa span around and whipped her fantastically large black hat off. She dove her hand dexterously into the hat, then pulled out a large bottle of a deep, brick-red liquid.

She gave the bottle an enticing jostle, "We've got meeeead~" she teased. Then, defying physics, she shuffled around further in her hat and pulled out a sweet and juicy-looking pastry, "and ‘Back-lava’ too."

“Baklava!” Hecatia corrected her.

Marisa shrugged and plopped it in her mouth. She then fumbled around in the skirt of her long black coat, pulled out a white handkerchief from somewhere, and dabbed her noisily-chewing mouth with it. "Man that's good," she said with her mouth full.

Sakuya rubbed her chin with a finger and glared curiously at the food Marisa was snacking on, as well as the glass of sweet mead that had mysteriously appeared in Marisa's hand. "It would certainly make a welcome addition to our usual roast and wine spread... and one cannot say it isn't festive..."

"Heh... heheheheh!" Remilia cackled quietly, dramatically covering her mouth with her hand. "You _really_ think I'm going to let you come and make a ruckus in _my_ history-steeped mansion, in exchange for a little _FOOD_ and _ALCOHOL_!? The naivety of _fools_!"

"I'll even tell everyone in Hell that you throw the sickest and most metal Christmas parties ever." Hecatia calmly added.

"Oh my god that actually sounds really cool..." Remilia mumbled to herself, clenching her fist near her face and nibbling her bottom lip.

' _S-Seriously!? Just like that!?_ ' Meiling slumped over in disbelief. She had a pretty bad feeling about this, and every second she stared at Remilia's face, watching it turn slowly from anger... to intrigue... to excitement... to determination... to so proud that she probably thought she came up with it herself...

Oh god, this was really going to happen, wasn't it.

"Sakuya," Remilia planted her hands on her hips, grin spreading from fang to fang, "so sorry to have not informed you beforehand, but this year's Christmas festivities shall be handled by external management."

The brilliantly elegant maid, her eyes peacefully shut, curtsied gracefully. She then sharply lifted her hands into the air and opened her palms, as if miming that she was intentionally dropping a heavy tray to the ground.

Moments later, the distant sound of crashing and shattering, accompanied by fairy-maid screaming, appeared to ring out from the direction of the mansion kitchens. Meiling had seen Sakuya acting like a one-woman-pantomime far too many times to even bother asking.

"Y'mean... yer _in_?" A faint smile grew excitedly on Marisa's face. She was met with tired resignation from Sakuya, a dishevelled daze from Meiling...

... And a firm nod from the Lord of the Mansion, Remilia Scarlet.

"We're in."

At her words, the mansion's doors slammed so loudly shut that the ground beneath the floors themselves seemed to rumble.

"Oh, marvellous!" Throwing one of her legs theatrically over the other, Hecatia began to levitate higher into the air. "Utterly... _fantastic._ " A grin that could only be described as horrific juttered violently across her face, the glint in her eyes so horrid that it could likely debilitate a lesser youkai or god without resistance.

"Then... let's get started."

The illusion of deep rumbling in the ground was no longer illusion as it became more and more palpable, the grand chandelier on the ceiling clanging and teetering, the whole mansion appearing to tremble from the ground up. Even the flooring appeared to be heating up, steam blasting in increasingly intense bellows from Hecatia's ominously massive shadow.

' _I-I knew this was bad!! I knew this was bad...!!_ ' Meiling shielded her squinting eyes from the flying dust and debris. Sakuya and Remilia, though, appeared to remain totally calm, while Marisa tried heroically to keep drinking mead from her cup as it splashed up her nose.

Moments after Meiling scrunched her eyes shut in bracing herself for a hellish reckoning, though... the rumbling calmed. The dust began to settle, now uncannily obscuring a new group of dark figures.

"Allow me to formally introduce tonight's colourful cast of contestants!" Hecatia clapped her hands twice quickly, then swept her arm across the crowd with a warmly festive smile as they slowly came into view. Were they _all_ people who had agreed to be part of this... whatever this was?

"First up..." Hecatia took a deep breath in. She hovered over a terrifyingly tall and wide silhouette with a sharp point at its top, "All the way from Old Hell, one of the four devas! She loves good booze and a fair fight... Yuugi Hoshiguma!"

"Hey! Good ta be here!" Yuugi emerged from the smoke, sheepishly rubbing the side of her head with one hand, holding the neck of a bottle of mead with her other. Not only was she like, 7 foot, but her muscles were absolutely _colossal_ , oh dear god.

Hecatia nodded gratefully at Yuugi, then floated along. "Next... that mysterious mountain hermit with a mysteriously comprehensive knowledge of Hell... Kasen Ibara!!"

A shorter woman with bouncy pink hair in Chinese buns emerged from the smoke. Her motherly smile heavily contrasted her wildly bandaged arm. "I'm only here on a bet with Yuugi, but I look forward to the festivities all the same." Kasen bowed politely. Definitely someone Meiling recognised; this woman was a regular at Hakurei Shrine, and had even visited the mansion once or twice.

"To her left... and your right..." Hecatia continued, "a bunch of rowdy skeletons from Hell, that Kasen assures me she has not been keeping in her closet."

... Just as she said, a bunch of literal skeletons clattered and jumbled forward. Was this really Christmas!? It felt more like Halloween!!

"What the _hell,_ " Kasen pouted irritably, fists on her hips, " _anything_ I say in response to that is going to sound suspicious, what gives?"

"I'm just messing with you!" Hecatia giggled innocently at Kasen. "Don't worry folks, I believe her. These lonely skeleton dudes are just looking for a fight, just like THESE random oni and lampads!" Hecatia gestured vaguely towards the next set of silhouettes. Unfamiliar oni and Hell-fairies of various sizes started lining up, flexing muscles, doing flamboyant poses. Some of them looked exceptionally unimpressive, like ordinary people, considering they were from Hell.

Quickly moving on from the shuffling group of unremarkable side-figures, Hecatia drifted over the final person in the line-up. Or at least, it _seemed_ like a person. _Whatever_ it was lost any semblance of shape towards the bottom of its torso. Some kind of spirit, maybe?

“Aaaaand we have _this_ person!" Hecatia said. Okay yeah it was a person. 

"It's Konngara," the figure replied, as a woman emerged from the smoke. Jet black hair tied back in a messy red ribbon, with a sharp red horn protruding from her forehead. Her red robes appeared to fall into a misshaped distortion below her torso, as if the rest of her form were out of phase with reality, "it’s true that I haven't been to the surface in quite some time, but I won't let you disrespect me."

Everyone sort of blinked at Konngara with confusion - it was pretty evident that not a single person recognised her. Whoever she was down in Hell, she probably kept to herself.

"Aw, I meant no disrespect!" Hecatia waved her arms playfully, "I just forgot your name a sec, Hell's so huge you know, and- UHH YOUNG LADY _WHAT_ DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE?" Hecatia's tone took a surprise shift as her gaze shot back from Konngara to the group of oni and lampads.

One of the lampads had sprung forth from the smoke with flashy pomp, holding up a stick. Her shining blonde hair and weird red white and blue dress and socks were immediately recognisable to anyone who had spent enough time at Hakurei Shrine lately.

"Aaaaaaand _Clownpiece_!!" the lampad yelled dramatically, waving the stick around, "Try not to go too _mad_ with excitement!! Heheheeheeheeheee~!" she began to cackle with a fiendish grin.

Again, everyone just sort of stared.

"Nothing's going to happen, you know." Sakuya sighed, shaking her head at Clownpiece. "I put that torch out the moment you entered this mansion. Can't have you driving the Mistress mad now, can we?"

"Ehhhhhh...!?" Clownpiece's posture slumped over, her face pouting as Hecatia flew over to her.

"Piece, what are you doing here? I thought I gave you a mission to enjoy the festive period with Gensokyo's fairies." Hecatia said, sternly putting her hands on Piece's shoulders.

Clownpiece pouted even harder, "B-but Lady Hecatia! Your idea of a Christmas party sounded _way_ more exciting and you _did say_ I needed to prank people in Gensokyo so I thought I could come here and drive everyone mad but I-" her voice escalated as the excuses kept tumbling out.

Her chattering only calmed once Hecatia comfortingly patted the goofy jester hat on her head. "Now Piece... this is meant to be a fun occasion for some of Hell's residents to let loose and relax. We can't be causing them extra stress by driving them mad now, can we?"

"B-but... but Lady Hecatia I-..." Clownpiece stuttered, forcing herself to look her guardian in the eyes, "c-can I please join in!? Even though I live in Gensokyo now... I still want to spend time with you, too...!"

"Oh, you silly girl..." Hecatia huffed gently, bringing Piece into a hug, "very well, your mission for Christmas this year is to spend some quality time with your boss, all right?"

"This is quite splendid," Remilia quietly clapped her hands, whispering aside to Sakuya and Meiling, "it is as if we have front-row seats to a festive-season pantomime about the importance of togetherness and family."

Even Meiling couldn't help but smile at Hecatia and Piece's unexpectedly touching moment...

W-wait, this still wasn't right! Hecatia said this was meant to be a 'fun' occasion, but something about this _definitely_ didn't seem fun!!

"Right then!" Hecatia clapped her hands together, once again addressing the crowd, "last, but not least... the _final_ contestant... one from this very mansion. Choose your warrior carefully!"

Huh, they had to enter someone too? Well Remilia was kind of an oni, maybe she'd like to get rough. Sakuya also got pretty antsy when she hadn't been in a fight for a while. Meiling briefly began to daydream, feeling a little better as she imagined her Mistress or girlfriend fighting valiantly in the name of the mansion.

"Hong Meiling it is!” Hecatia bellowed in announcement, “We can't _wait_ to see the strength you bring to the competition!"

Blink. Blink blink.

Meiling's neck cranked to the side, heart sinking into her stomach. Both Remilia and Sakuya... her beloved family whom she trusted and adored... were pointing excitedly at her.

"HUUUUUUUUUH!?" Meiling screamed.

' _NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!_ ' Meiling screamed internally.

"I'm really sorry, Meiling," Sakuya bowed apologetically, "with this many unusual guests, I really must make sure that all are properly attended to."

"This is _my_ party, is it not?" Remilia tilted her head at Meiling with a facetiously kind smile, "how am I to be properly relaxed and entertained if I am not enjoying these brilliant bouts from the sidelines?"

"Plus, I've really missed seeing your remarkable punches and kicks, Meiling." Sakuya added.

"Oh yes, with the rainbow effects! They make me feel veritably gay." Remilia beamed.

"Extremely gay." Sakuya nodded happily, a faint trace of blush teasing her stern composure.

...

The contestants stood in the foyer chattering amongst each other, all lined up in the order Hecatia introduced them. It was lucky the entrance hall was so large, because there must have been at least 50 individuals here counting all the skeletons and oni and lampads.

Near the end of the line, where Meiling stood, Hecatia was muttering with Marisa and Sakuya about something and pointing at sheets of important-looking bar graphs and pie charts and tables. Squinting, Meiling could make out that one of the bar graphs just said "Economy!!" underneath it in loud, turquoise writing. This was all it took for Meiling to conclude that they were probably not at all important.

"All right, sounds good!" Hecatia started bundling the pointless papers together under her arm, "we'll be ready to begin soon then, thanks Sakuya." Giving a grateful nod, Hecatia floated upstairs to the grand hall - presumably to speak with Remilia.

"Sooo," Sakuya sighed, turning towards Marisa with a friendly smile, "are you going to tell me how _you_ got wrapped up in this? I never took you for a toady."

"It's nothin' big," Marisa rested her hands behind her head, giving Sakuya a familiar grin, "Hecatia needed someone who's familiar with Gensokyo to help her organise this thing. In exchange, all I asked for was t' visit her place in Hell sometime."

Sakuya held her gloved hand to her mouth, letting out a genuine chuckle. "So you spotted an opportunity to loot a god of Hell's home? Typical."

Ahh... that gentle smile... that wonderful laugh... Meiling felt like she hadn't had it to herself in so long. She clutched a fist to a dull ache in her chest.

"Oi, that's slander," Marisa crossed her arms and stuck her nose up, her long cloak of blonde hair bouncing behind her, "is it such a crime t' jus’ be excited that I've been invited to a hot lady's house? Maybe she'll even offer me some coffee if y'know what I'm sayin'. Whatever ends up gettin' borrowed is just a cherry on top!"

"You haven't changed," said Sakuya, giving Marisa's hat a single, friendly pat, "don't you want to see Patchy while you're here?"

"Eh? N-nah," Marisa tugged her hat over her forehead, "'m sure she doesn't wanna see me goin' gaga for Hecatia."

Sakuya began to slowly walk in the direction of the grand hall to fetch Hecatia for the final check, "Hmm? As far as I’m aware, Lady Patchouli has been positively comfortable with an expanding polycule. Are you sure you're not hiding something?" she grinned knowingly at Marisa.

Marisa hid a stiff smile with her hat, then rushed after Sakuya.

Suddenly realising they were leaving, Meiling's heart jumped. "W-wait, Sakuya!" before she knew it, she had stepped from the line with her hand outstretched. "U-uh, are you helping them? What exactly is going on?"

Turning to see Meiling, Sakuya's eyes lit up. She returned to the end of the line, just far away enough that Konngara probably couldn't hear them. "Yes, I am." she said.

"F-fancy giving me some hints or something!? I feel a little out of my league here, heheh." Meiling mumbled, still feeling a little exasperated by how distant everyone felt despite the festive season.

Meiling's gaze trained on Sakuya, she noticed Sakuya avert eyes with a frown, then flash Marisa a guilty smile. "What do you think? Can I talk to her?"

Marisa just shrugged, "Dude it's a bit of fun. I assure you, you're payin' way more attention to the 'rules' than me or Hecatia are."

To Meiling's huge relief, Sakuya's expression finally relaxed. She turned back to Meiling with a grin, and stepped close to her.

"They wanted some help mapping out where in the mansion was suitable for the event, and I was eager to assist," she said, nodding proudly, "few know this mansion's intricacies better than I do."

"D-did you give me any handicaps?" Meiling beamed excitedly at Sakuya.

" _That_ would be lame." Marisa pouted irritably at the two of them.

Sakuya giggled sweetly, "Your knowledge of the mansion is its own handicap, right? We'll give you all the full rules soon, but I will say that it'll be more physical than the average danmaku duel," she explained, then brushed herself up snugly against Meiling's side.

She was warm...

"It's right up your alley, dear,” Sakuya assured,” both myself and the Mistress think you're perfect for it."

Meiling's eyes widened a little as she gazed down into Sakuya's. "S-Sakuya..." there was a genuine intimacy in Sakuya's fond expression... something Meiling wished she had seen more of during this busy week, "so you were serious about wanting to see me doing 'remarkable rainbow punches'?"

Sakuya gripped her fists to Meiling's arms and tugged her slightly lower. Meiling's face heated up and she ducked down slightly, knowing the invitation all too well. Propped on her tip-toes, Sakuya pressed her lips affectionately into Meiling's.

Of course Meiling was eager to return the affection. Feeling Sakuya's arms comfortably cuddle into her a little, Meiling wrapped her arms around Sakuya. She finally gave her girlfriend a brief, relieved squeeze, fervently squishing their faces together.

A comfortable few moments later, Sakuya pulled back. Her eyes fluttered shyly, a precious blush of 'I miss you, too' on her usually calm face.

"Good luck, sweetie. I'm rooting for you. Exclusively." she winked charismatically, straightening her back before vanishing.

Marisa, realising that Sakuya had gone to finish off the preparations and inform Hecatia, began to rush after her. "Ya'll are adorable, hope ya know that!!" she shouted back to Meiling as she surfed up the grand staircase on her broom.

A few of the contestants near Meiling begun to chatter about Meiling being 'romantically involved with one of the judges' or something.

Meiling didn't care though. For the first time all day, she finally believed that she really had just been worrying too much.

...

" **Deck the Hells!** " Hecatia announced.

It had only been a few short minutes, but she had already gathered everyone together in the foyer again.

"That's th’ name of the event," Marisa added, "she came up with it herself and won't stop sayin' it out loud."

"The rules are simple!" Hecatis continued, ignoring Marisa's unsolicited snark, "Every contestant will position themselves in a random room throughout the ground floor of the mansion! Then, you make your way around the mansion and _deck_ every other contestant you run into, until there's only one of you left standing!"

"D-deck!? As in knock out!?" Meiling stepped forward anxiously, "like, out cold!?" she yelped. ' _Against **oni**!?_' she thought.

Hecatia shrugged and shook her head. "Each contestant should battle however they like. Danmaku, brute strength, ring-out, 'til loss of consciousness, whatever. Please don't kill any mortals or destroy the mansion though, this is just a bit of fun!"

"So it's a Battle Royale?" Yuugi interjected.

"It's different. It's 'Deck the Hells'." Hecatia shook her head.

"It's a Battle Royale." Kasen nodded.

Heroically ignoring the ignorance, Hecatia powered on. "Our guest-staff member, Sakuya, will be using her timey wimey abilities to check every room. The moment everyone finds a room that is unoccupied by another contestant, she will inform me and then you can all start Decking The Hells! As it were. Heheheh."

"She keeps repeating it as if it were some impressive title drop." Konngara crossed her arms and furrowed her brow irritably. Some skeleton bones from somewhere down the line rattled in agreement.

"Leave her alone, she's an _artiste_ , not a writer." Clownpiece yipped, utterly failing to mount a convincing defence of her poor guardian.

' _I-isn't a writer a type of artist...!?_ ' Meiling thought, increasingly exasperated by the absurdity of the situation.

Hecatia, heart-warmed at Piece's abetment, looked once more over the crowd of contestants. "One last thing, most of the largest rooms in the mansion have impressive food and drink spreads all prepared for you. Roast and spit-cooked lamb and pork, spinach and cheese pies, and a whole lot of delectable Greek pastries and drinks. Help yourself, especially if it helps you keep your energy up. Any questions?"

Remilia Scarlet, Lord of the Mansion, thrust her hand up into the air with a commanding presence. "I have one question. One _very. important. question_." she cackled, lips tugging into an impish grin.

Hecatia looked down at Remilia from the air, a cruel red glow in her eyes, "Yes...?"

"I notice your shirt says ‘Satan's Little Helper’ on it so I must confess I have been wondering. What's Satan like in person?" Remilia asked, still holding her arm in the air curiously.

"I actually got this t-shirt from the outside world, I've never met her myself. She works in a whoole other part of Hell."

Remilia put her arm down. "Ah, I see. Thank you for your answer."

"You are welcome," Hecatia nodded cordially, "now, any other questions before we begin?"

A few moments of silence. A few more moments of silence. A loud coughing sound came in the direction of the group of lampads. Oh no, it sounds like she's choking on her drink! Nevermind, she's okay.

"Nothing...?" Hecatia slowly hovered herself to the ground, her eyes glowing, her smirk wicked, “In that case... on my word, to your positions..." slowly but surely, her expression lightened into a jubilant, festive grin.

"DECK. THE. _HELLS_!"

The entire entrance hall roused to a thunderous tremble, as stampedes of youkai and fairies dashed in every direction as quickly as their superhuman legs or wings could take them, each and every one eager to find a good base camp before anyone else could.

"Yo Hecatia. Please stop tryn'a make 'Deck The Hells' a thing," Marisa mumbled, irritably rubbing the side of her head as she hopped on her broom to start with the judging, "it's never gonna be a thing."

Hecatia crossed her arms. "Ungrateful for my creative talent, the lot of you," she pouted, before floating away after Marisa and Sakuya.

Meiling was admittedly still anxious. She wasn't too worried about fighting skeletons, but she'd never fought lampads before. Plus the idea of going up against oni, let alone a deva like Yuugi, was pretty terrifying.

She certainly wasn't in a hurry to go find a good room though - she knew this mansion like the back her hand and didn't feel like securing a good place was really all that important. She had started to slowly make her way towards one of the unassuming guest lounges nearest the entrance hall, when she was approached by Remilia.

"Psst, Meiling," Remilia conspicuously held her hand next to her mouth in a whispering motion, "my apologies if it seems as though I forthwith sprang this monumental quest upon you."

Meiling sheepishly adjusted her hat on the back of her head. "O-oh it's all right Mistress! Sakuya told me you both thought I'd be perfect for it."

Remilia tilted her head and raised an eyebrow, looking a little confused. "Actually, I did not reveal to Sakuya why I wanted you to do it."

' _H-huh? Sakuya was just trying to make me feel better?_ '

"The real reason I picked you, Meiling!" Remilia plopped her fists on her hips and proudly stuck her nose up, "is because I remembered you sharing your relationship concerns with me! And I thought, this would be the perfect way to impress Sakuya! With your muscles!!"

' _...M-Mistress Remilia wanted me to feel better too!??!_ '

Meiling sniffled, trying not to let it show that her eyes were welling up slightly. She wasn't used to Remilia being so thoughtful for no reason, even if her methods of doing so were questionable. "M-Mistress...!!" Meiling blubbered, a little overcome with emotion. She gripped her fists in determination at her side, a confident grin slowly finding its way onto her face and her heartbeat steadying, "I won't let you or Sakuya down!"

"Plus!" Remilia piped up again as Meiling stomped down the hall towards the guest lounges, "it is true what Reimu said last year: you truly _are_ the colours of Christmas! Who better to represent the Mansion at a Christmas party!?"

' _Sh-she just had to go and ruin a nice moment, huh..._ ' Meiling froze on the spot, wincing, 'w _hy'd she remember that weird observation, of all things..._ '

...

Meiling's room ended up being exactly the sort of room she figured she'd end up with. While most of the contestants were probably in a hurry to find an impressive arena befitting of housing a champion, the modest Meiling chose one of the dozens of unremarkable guest rooms as her base of operations.

She hung in the doorway of this empty room, pretty confident that the contest would begin the moment she shut it behind her. She closed her eyes, seeking one last moment of reflection, and clenched her fists tight.

She knew she was far from being the strongest resident of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and now there were oni and demons and disciplined hermits and whatnot here. Ugh... just _looking_ at Yuugi Hoshiguma was enough to send shivers down Meiling's spine. Yuugi’s muscles gave Meiling shivers for _multiple_ reasons. ' _Dammit_ ,' but also ' _Dayum_ '.

In comparison, Meiling's own muscles were...

She flexed her right bicep and felt her frilly sleeve clench over it, then looked at her arm.

... Okay her biceps _were_ pretty amazing. Sakuya did fawn over them pretty regularly. Nothing compared to Yuugi's, but Meiling was relieved her self-confidence wasn't _completely_ shot.

' _All right..._ ' Meiling thought to herself, clenching her fists once again and stepping into the room. ' _No need to rely on danmaku, huh... I wonder how many of these demons have ever met a youkai with real dedication to tai chi chuan!?_ '

She nodded. She pumped herself up. Centring her ki in the core of her body, she paced to the middle of the room without closing the door, then turned back to face it.

' _I'll show Sakuya and the Mistress the breathtaking rainbow punches they want to see so badly!_ '

Then, without moving a muscle in her body... "Hm...!!" she grunted, and the door shut gently through nothing but her own ki.

"The final contestant is now in position!" came Hecatia's disembodied voice, sounding both eerie but also kinda just sounding like she was shouting through a loudspeaker.

"Ready...? Set...?"

A pause. One that felt like the culmination of destiny itself.

"... **GO!!!** "

Consumed with only one thought: ' _Thank god she didn't say "Deck The Hells" again,_ ' Meiling hurtled through the door as quickly as her long legs would carry her. Her fist already brimmed with ki in anticipation of the brawl that would begin the moment she stepped into the hallway.

**-SMASH-**

The red-head's sharp reflexes meant that her left fist had been driven clean through the skull of a scampering skeleton before she had even become fully conscious of its presence; before she had even landed her left foot into the hall.

Shards of bone, appearing to sparkle and glisten every colour of the rainbow, clinked and clattered around Meiling's vision in slow-motion as her mind quickly comprehended just how much was already going on.

Keeping her ki centred, keeping her mind empty and calm, Meiling could immediately, effortlessly plot-out her next move. Coming from her left were a dozen-or-so skeletons and lampads. A few oni. Judging from how quickly her fist had pestled that skeleton's head into rainbow dust, there was a decent chance they were small fry. The path to the right led back to the foyer area. She didn't want to try her luck with a huge arena like that; it seemed like the sort of place a huge oni like Yuugi might wind up. Her game plan was just... try to last as long as possible. As good a plan as any.

All right.

Meiling's left foot struck to the ground. Driven by the momentum still throwing the right side of her body forward, she dug her heel in and pivoted left. Without losing any speed, she turned sharply and shot down the hallway.

Step. _THUNK_. A single large stride of her dash left her right fist swiftly meeting the stomach of a lampad with a dull thump.

"Hhhhyurhhghh..." the poor fairy's mouth reflexively fell open. " _Euuurgh!!_ " she gagged, coughing up saliva that appeared to refract every colour of the rainbow as it sputtered gracefully from her mouth.

Meiling kept her fist on the lampad's stomach. And she kept running. In fact she only picked up speed. Her fist only shone brighter and brighter.

The fairy's back knocked over two of the other lampads with her. The lampad's back smashed through one skeleton's rib cage, sending it shattering everywhere, digging shards of bone into the poor fairy's back.

"Hhaaaaaaa..." a powerful rumble rose from Meiling's lungs.

Meiling kept running, her fist driving the lampad through foe after foe. The fairy was now _extremely_ unconscious, but her mouth hung open, a glorious stream of rainbow-coloured vomit trailing behind Meiling's fiery red hair and flapping green dress as she charged, crashed through. In fact, she had charged head-first (or lampad-first) into a huge blockade of skeletons attempting in vain to take down a couple of oni.

"Hrrr... RrrrrrRRRRAAAA _AAGGGGHHHH!_ " Meiling screamed, her fist glowing so brightly that one of the oni fearfully shielded his eyes.

The tattered lampad thumped to an apparent stop into the group of skeletons and oni.

For a fraction of a moment, Meiling’s arm eased ever so slightly back.

 **... FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM**.

Kicking forward with her right foot, Meiling twisted her glowing palm into a fist, finally releasing the spiritual energy that had been building in it.

An immense, golden flame ignited from Meiling's arm in an instant, rainbow trails flickering like a majestic, monstrous tail from the tail of her skirt.

Thunk. THUNK. THUNK _THUNK THUD THUD THUDDUDUDU **DUDUD. CRASSHH**._

The lampad was no longer anywhere near Meiling's hand - and neither were any of the other demons that had so briefly halted her. A scattering of hats, clothes, bones and bodies lay dotted for at least a couple dozen feet in front of Meiling, dents all over the walls, scuffs and scratches bellowing off smoke, some licked by dull rainbow flames where they had been freshly gashed.

Meiling paused and stood straight. She took a breath, centring her ki again, before continuing on down the hall at a more composed pace. Nothing in this hallway was conscious anymore, after all.

Actually, the lampad no longer appeared to be anywhere at all. The poor thing had died - poofed. Lampads were pretty strong for fairies, but they were still fairies.

"God that was violent though." Meiling forced a guilty laugh to herself.

Towards the end of this hallway were the kitchen and dining areas. It seemed fairly likely that those huge rooms could become scenes of power struggles. Carefully, Meiling stepped into the large dining hall.

... Hm. Curiously empty.

Quieting her ki, she trained the perimeter of the room.

As she approached the opposite hall, she could have sworn she heard the faint sound of... an organ playing?

Teasing a peek into the hallway, she noticed about six or seven oni all limply wandering, single-file, into the music room. Meiling squinted... she could make out an eerie red light drifting out. Oh god... she had a really bad feeling abo-

**DUNNNNNNN.**

Meiling leapt backward in shock at the almost-deafening organ chord as a black and red bolt crackled out of the room. Within seconds, a dozen or so oni bodies had been viciously hurled out of the room, blasted against the wall with bodies covered in ghastly slices and cuts.

' _O-oh god... oh god..._ ' Meiling backed away from the door slowly, trying to keep her presence hidden, ' _i-is that Konngara!? Why'd someone so terrifying have to end up in the mansion..._ '

For now, _anywhere_ but here seemed like a better idea, so Meiling made her way to the back wall of the dining hall. As she neared the entrances to the kitchens though, she heard a deep thump, followed by a body flying out the door. This was becoming a theme.

"Hhuuuuuu... - _wheeze_ -" whined a messy blonde head of hair as she tried, and failed, to pull herself from the ground, "poop."

Meiling cautiously approached the girl to get a better look at her face. Oh. Oh were eyes _supposed_ to inflate that much? Her face was completely red and purple and blue. Oh god. Meiling winced.

"C-Clownpiece...?" Meiling mumbled, her eyes widening in horror, "is that you?"

"PIECE!!" Hecatia suddenly phased in next to them, kneeling to scoop the lampad up in her arms, "who did this to you!?" she muttered, gently brushing Piece's hair from her eyes with the back of her hand.

"H-heheh..." Piece coughed dramatically, cuddling up to Hecatia slightly, "I wanted to accept Yuugi's challenge for a physical brawl, without danmaku, a-and..."

"You silly girl..." Hecatia squeezed Piece's hand, cuddling it to her face, "this is why I didn't want you to come to the party... I knew you'd get yourself hurt..."

"Why'd you let Yuugi join anyway!?" Piece's intonation was suddenly more on the whiny side, "she's from Old Hell, not Hell!"

Hecatia pouted, "Oh quit your complaining. How can anyone say no to having a deva or two at an event like this!?"

Meiling just sort of stood there, too anxious to move from this spot. She felt like she was watching something too personal for her eyes, until Clownpiece turned towards her with a throaty, sickly cough.

"G-gatekeeper..." Piece was muttering again. She reached a weak hand out to Meiling, "y-you saw what happened... you have to avenge... me..."

"... E-eh?" Meiling muttered, eyes widening slightly, "I don't follow."

"Blehhh... I deaad..." Piece moaned, flopping over into Hecatia's arms. A few seconds later, she was snoring.

Hecatia stood up with the lampad in her arms, and sighed loudly. "Well, it is her nap time," she smiled gently, turning to sheepishly smile at Meiling. "The foolish girl so badly just wanted to raise _hell_ with me. Heheh... she's always getting in over her head for my sake. I wish she'd learn to take it easy."

' _To be honest lady, I don't know either of you and I'm currently more upset that you made another hell pun._ ' Meiling thought to herself, but remembered her manners as a servant of the mansion, "uh, I'm sure Sakuya mentioned, but you're free to use any free guest room if she needs to rest."

Hecatia gave Meiling a friendly chuckle and a warm grin, "Thanks, gatekeeper. Enjoy the rest of the competition, okay!? Half of you are already down!"

With that, Hecatia hupped Clownpiece's arms over her shoulders, supporting her tush, like the way a parent might hold their sleeping kid. Giving Meiling a buddy-buddy wave, she floated away into the air and phased away.

Meiling froze, completely still for a moment.

Silence.

Then, she let out a HUGE sigh of relief.

For a second, she worried that Piece or Hecatia really _were_ gonna make her challenge Yuu-

"OI!! Is that you out there, Meiling? Get in here!!"

"Hoh! You say there's someone out there Marisa!? Whoever's out there, don't be shy! I challenge you, friend!!"

... Shit.

' _Fuck you, Marisa._ '

Well, it's been fun. Was it fun? It wasn't that fun.

"UUUUUUUGGGHHH." Meiling groaned bitterly, getting all her slumping and hunching over with for now. She then straightened her back again, gathered her ki, and composed herself.

She stepped into the kitchens. The marble walls that Sakuya so loved to keep crystal clean were now spattered in cracks, some chunks even crumbling out. All the kitchen tables and counters that the maids used to cook up such wonderful and extravagant feasts for hugely hungry vampires had somehow all been upended; squished together to make one, big elevated platform in the centre of the room.

There, standing in the middle of the platform, was Yuugi Hoshiguma. The white top she normally wore appeared to have fallen in tatters around her waist, torn up by her own bulked-up brawn. The only thing on her torso now were the sarashi wrappings around her chest.

"Hong Meiling, was it? Good ta meetcha again. Come on up here!" The honourable oni waved a friendly hand. Absolutely the biggest friendly hand Meiling had ever seen in her long life.

"That's me. It’s good to properly meet you, too." Meiling replied sensibly.

' _G-good god._ ' Meiling shivered in sheer awe of the oni's incredible form. She felt absolutely doomed.

Meanwhile, sitting in the corner of the room, eating a roast leg of lamb with one hand while holding a huge jug of mead in the other, was Marisa. "Yoooo Meiling! I've set myself up as the judge of Yuugi's wrestlin' matches, ain't that awesome!?"

"Y-yeah, that's great, Marisa." Meiling, dead inside, nodded for her. Marisa was apparently so pissed off her head that she had decided to completely destroy Meiling's chances of advancing any further in this thing. Better get this over with...

"Right!" Yuugi excitedly smacked a fist to her palm, with such force that it made the platform quake around her. "I like the look of your arms so uh. Hang on."

' _?????_ ' Meiling's face flushed almost as red as her hair as she watched Yuugi just tear a god damn chunk out of the kitchen counter and thunk it down in front of her like it was nothing. "Toss me a couple chairs, Marisa." Yuugi bellowed to the drunk magician.

"GOTCHAA!" Marisa stumbled out of her chair and haphazardly chucked a couple of the chairs around her in Yuugi's general direction. One of them crashed into the platform. The other broke after landing on Yuugi's head.

"I'll use that one." Yuugi, without batting an eye, took the broken chair and placed it beside her. She grabbed the other chair and placed it on the other side of the small counter.

Oh god. Meiling had a feeling she knew where this was going. Without saying a word, she got up on the platform, and stood beside her assigned chair.

"Arm-wrestle me." Yuugi beamed a confident, toothy grin at Meiling, holding out a hand again for a hand-shake.

' _Knew it._ ' Meiling returned the hand-shake... then nodded. "I'd be honoured."

Yes she was terrified. Horrified even. Still, it wasn't every day you got challenged to an arm-wrestle from one of the four devas. It was actually extremely flattering. "Actually, could you give me a moment?" Meiling turned away from Yuugi and Marisa, and began to unbutton her dress.

"Heh. Smart girl." Yuugi, whose top had already suffered collateral damage, immediately empathised.

Meiling neatly folded her dress and set it to the side. Now only wearing the skirt of her dress, her torso wrapped by sarashi, Meiling turned to face Yuugi and Marisa again.

"PFFFFFPPPTH" Marisa spat her mead all over the floor in shock, her jug spilling over its sides as she gaped at Meiling, jaw virtually hitting the floor. "H-holy shit, I had no idea you were so _ripped_!?"

The grin on Yuugi's face only widened as she studied Meiling’s broad shoulders and defined pectorals. Meiling didn't bat an eyelid: she already knew her physical brawn was fairly impressive. Being a youkai with a really built body was one thing - being able to beat an _oni_ in an _arm-wrestle_ was another.

"Let's do this." Meiling took a deep breath, then sat herself down on the chair. With a stern expression, she thunked her right elbow down on the counter and tensely clenched her fist a couple of times. Yuugi gently sunk herself down on the already-broken chair.

The room’s air was so quiet, so strained, that Meiling could hear the sound of the poor chair creaking under the oni's might. Yuugi gently lowered her own right elbow to the table, aligning Meiling's, but even with its gentle arrival the arm's presence alone was enough to make the very fibres of Meiling's muscles quake in anxiety.

Meiling briefly entertained the idea that the only way she could ever beat Yuugi would be if the chair gave way and Yuugi toppled down. How honourless, she thought! She would never accept it, especially not against such a proud opponent.

No, no. The only way Meiling was getting out of this was if she lost. All she could do was avoid _thinking_ about winning or losing. Follow her martial arts. Bring her energy into her core, live in the moment, meet force with softness.

"Aight, gonna start the countdown gang." Marisa, finally over the majesty of the muscle-tapestry before her, walked to the side of the platform so she had a fair view. Yuugi and Meiling adjusted into comfortable positions, then gripped their hands together.

That's an idea. Could Meiling possibly wear out Yuugi's brute force with stamina, and then turn the tables when Yuugi was running low?

"Threeee."

Ahh, here goes. The moment Meiling would probably disappoint Sakuya. It wasn't like she hadn't tried, though.

"Twoooo..."

Yuugi grinned at Meiling. Meiling grinned back. This wouldn't be such a bad way to go, actually. Yuugi seemed like a pretty good person. Losing against an oni like her would be an honour, in a way.

"One......"

Now though, as farfetched as it seemed, the possibility of somehow winning had settled home in Meiling's mind. Surely it wasn't impossible... she just had to live in the now.

" **START!** " Marisa threw her arm down in front of her, showing an energy only appropriate for a huge sporting event.

Within moments, Marisa's enthusiasm rewarded her. Muscles tensed, rock-solid strain rippling up the combatants' arms.

Marisa could have sworn that not only Yuugi's biceps, but Meiling's as well, had expanded in bulk at least twofold. She took a step back in awe, before remembering herself and leaning over the table, wide-eyed and determined.

Meiling though, had no energy to look at muscles nor _think_ about how great a muscle-show it was. Her mind was clear - the only thoughts trickling through her head pertaining to how she paced her energy. Energy to support her body from the swelling force opposite her. Energy to steadily flow up her right arm.

But what an incredible force... Meiling had never felt anything like it, and it took the immediate full-force of her ki to prevent an immediate loss.

A few moments in though - and the match was still going.

Meiling, ever so subtly, eased the full force of her resistance, endeavouring to cushion Yuugi's force with softness. If she had _any_ chance of waiting this out and winning this thing, this would be it.

For a moment, ' _Could I actually... do this?_ ' tingled the back of Meiling's head, ' _is this actually possible?_ '

**-SLAM-**

Before Meiling had been able to so much as comprehend the _existence_ of those thoughts, the force of Yuugi's arm accelerated to exceed anything Meiling had ever experienced before. Well, anything besides the Scarlet Sisters themselves.

Meiling’s hand, though still full of energy and strength, lay twitching hopelessly on its back against the table, Yuugi's monolithic grip on top of it.

Meiling had lost.

She sighed, hints of a thrilled smile teasing her cheeks. "I concede." she said calmly. It had all happened so suddenly that Marisa had been pretty useless as a judge.

"U-uh. Yuugi wins!" A dumbfounded Marisa held up her left arm towards the victor, a clumsy drip of drool hanging from her mouth, "So you get knockout rights now, Yuugi."

... Knockout rights? Wha?

Yuugi stood up, "You're real good, Meiling. I can't remember the last time a non-oni put up so well 'gainst me in an arm-wrestle," she beamed. Yuugi offered her arm for another handshake, which Meiling accepted in a stupor.

Wait, go back to the knockout rights! What was that about!?

"Kinda sucks that, as per the rules..." Yuugi made her way around the table to face Meiling. She cricked her neck side to side. She cracked her knuckles. "I gotta deck you. Or knock you unconscious or somethin'."

Meiling shot a panicked look to Marisa, who just shrugged and nodded sympathetically. Oh, crap... Hecatia _had_ said something like that, right.

W-well, hopefully her imminent jaw-shattering could be fixed by some miracle medicine from Eientei. She still had to get her fair share of Christmas food, after all...

Meiling, limp and dejected, walked to the side of the platform.

"All right. I'm ready." she held her arms out slightly, intentionally leaving her defence wide-open, and prepared her face for an inevitable, excruciating pain.

"Real sorry ta hafta do this do ya, friend," Yuugi said, loading back her gargantuan fist, "I told Kasen that there'd be _hell_ ta pay if she didn't meet me in the finals, so I can't afford ta be soft."

Meiling's eyesight juttered and shuddered in fear, almost cross-eyed as she focused on the fist. ' _Why oh why does the final thing I hear before going unconscious have to be another hell pun,_ ' she winced, bracing herself.

The moment Meiling noticed the tendons on Yuugi's arm twitch, she scrunched her eyes shut and awaited the abrupt end of her consciousness.

**-SMACKK-**

A loud noise, much sharper and more forceful than Meiling’s numbed expectations, rang out in Meiling's ears. To be honest, she hadn't expected to hear anything at all. She scrunched her eyebrows pulling her neck back slightly.

' _W-wait... am I... still conscious?_ '

Anxiously allowing her eyes to edge open, Meiling's vision was immediately overwhelmed by the bright glow of energy.

Every colour of the rainbow refracted white light before her, appearing to hang in the air like... wings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glossary:  
> lampad - In Greek mythology, the lampads are nymphs of the Underworld that serve Hecate. In Touhou they are a powerful kind of fairy, but they still serve Hecatia.  
> oni - an incredibly physically strong youkai, comparable to a demon or ogre. In Touhou, they are quite a rare youkai.  
> sarashi - A cotton or linen cloth wrapped around the torso or chest underneath clothes. Historically worn by warriors.  
> Eientei - a mansion in Gensokyo where refugees from the moon reside
> 
> \------------
> 
> Once again, I wrote something that ended up longer than expected.
> 
> I decided to update this chapter a little because I felt the tension between Meiling and Sakuya didn't really add anything to the story and put undue focus on the state of their relationship (when it's fine). So, their interactions have been a little relaxed in the latest update.
> 
> Writing of "Deck the Hells!" is finished, but Chapter 2 still needs editing work and should be up within the next few days. Thanks for waiting!


	2. Chapter 2

"... M-Mistress Flandre!?" Meiling gasped, her eyes snapping open.

Flandre Scarlet, Remilia's destructive younger sister, was floating in the air before Meiling's eyes. Her left palm was effortlessly blocking Yuugi's fist, but the sheer force of the clash had shot a raw shockwave surging through the room.

"Meiling!" Flandre yelled back in excitement, "You can't lose here... you have to get to the end of this thing! And show off your radiance to Sakuya!!"

The brief moment of excitement and awe immediately came apart the moment Flandre's cheesy line shattered Meiling's suspension of disbelief. "Uh, I'm pretty sure this is against the rules, Mistress."

"To _HELL_ with the rules!!" Flandre cackled, pushing back against Yuugi with such force that Yuugi's feet chipped away at the crunched marble of the makeshift platform they were stood on.

' _Oh my god, stop._ ' Meiling's eyes lidded. She turned to Marisa, "Hey, this is against the rules right? She can't just enter the competition and save me like that?"

"Eh." Marisa shrugged, scrunching one eye shut and staring into the bottom of her mead jug with the other. "Tch. Outta mead."

"Heh! KAHAHAHA _HAHAHAH_!!" Yuugi drove her other huge hand forward to meet Flandre's, a horrific grin widening from one ear to the other, her pupils thinning, her red eyes catching the light in such a way that made them glow like flame, "Nah. _NAH_! This suits ME just **_FINE_**!!" her deep voice boomed so heavily that it was impossible to tell whether it was the clash or her voice itself making the walls crumble.

A fiery golden-glow spewed from Flandre's rainbow-jewelled wings, bursting her forward and crushing Yuugi's huge body through the platform into the floor. "Heeheeheehee!! I knew you'd see it my way, oni!!"

"What can I say!?" Yuugi's strained voice pushed back, "s'not every day I getta tussle with a _vampire_!!"

Meiling couldn't believe this. She had been so prepared to lose. She had, fairly, lost an arm-wrestle, and was patiently awaiting unconsciousness like a good, well-behaved gatekeeper. And now; this.

"Meiling!!" Flan shot a thrilled, blazing glare back in the gatekeeper's direction, "Go! _NOW_!!"

"B-but Mistress, this was my figh-"

" _ **GOOOOOOOOO!!**_ " Flandre shouted, driving Yuugi further, further down into the ground with the sheer force of her unholy power, the collision of their fists erupting with an indescribably monstrous energy.

Meiling's eyes just lidded again. Flandre's excited, melodramatic speech... had she been reading too much of Lady Patchouli's manga collection, perhaps...?

Marisa was now peacefully indulging in a fresh, full jug of mead, enjoying the spectacle of the incredible clashes before her as the very kitchens themselves appeared to crumble around them. An exasperated Meiling wandered up to the blonde and snatched the jug from her hand, downing the whole thing within seconds.

" _ **HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!**_ "

Flandre and Yuugi were now almost so overwhelmed by the bright light, the sheer palpable impacts of their brawl, that it was difficult to even see them. Long, blonde hair thrashing, rubble floating to the air, a deep rumble splitting the immaculate marble flooring clean open like thunder.

Meiling, languidly, pondered the possibility of viewing the event horizon of the apocalypse itself from this very kitchen.

Oh well. Not a bad way to go.

-fwiimmMMM _MMMMM_ -

A dull, bassy sound cast across the room, a wave of pure energy from the clash appearing to cleave the entire space clean in two. The kitchen sagged, expensive plates and glasses and crockery beginning to tumble from cupboards, the room seeming like it might teeter over in its entirety, when...

"All right, that's enough."

The flow of energy stopped. Meiling and Marisa blinked.

Now, holding the two almighty oni by their wild blonde hair, was Sakuya Izayoi.

"Both of you are disqualified; destroying the mansion is _expressly_ forbidden in the rules." she said.

"T-to _hell_ with the rules!" Flandre pouted, as Sakuya held her up in the air like a dejected kitten.

"Yes, yes," Sakuya rolled her eyes with a caring smile, "bravado and heroic anime moments aren't enough to prevent you from being disqualified. Your favourite tea is prepared on that counter you just obliterated, with that fine china set you just shattered. Did you know that?"

"U-uuuu..." Flandre flopped over in the air, her lips trembling into an even deeper pout, "s-sorry, Sakuya."

"Yeah, my bad," Yuugi's eyelids drooped apologetically, "I was havin' so much fun I totally forgot where I was, heh."

Sakuya sighed loudly and shook her head, "Honestly..." she let go of the disqualified duo, "you two can head over to the entrance hall. I'm assuming that's where the finale will be." she picked Flandre's hat from the floor and plopped it onto her head with a pat.

"Y-yes ma'am..." Flandre sighed, throwing her arms around the back of her head. She excitedly turned her head to Yuugi, "hey, this is my house so I know the scenic route, come with me!"

Yuugi brushed the dust and rubble from her skirt, then grinned at Flandre. "Sure thing. Lead the way, boss."

The two tempestuous oni left the dilapidated kitchen, grinning and giggling and chattering together, leaving Meiling with Marisa and Sakuya. Sakuya absentmindedly began picking things up and putting them back into place. A fair few things had actually returned to their proper places before Meiling and Marisa could even blink.

After a few moments, Sakuya appeared before Meiling, holding her folded dress. It was covered in dust. "I'm sorry about all that, Meiling," Sakuya sighed, rolling her eyes before finally looking up at Meiling, "are youu-u-u-u-..." her voice trailed off, her eyes widening slightly.

Sakuya's brain had finally clocked that Meiling wasn't wearing a top.

Normally, Sakuya was the _picture_ of composure, but this was a somewhat unexpected surprise. Her mouth could only hang for a few moments as her mind celebrated the glorious display of biceps and abs and pecs and _muscles_.

"No, I should apologise Sakuya," Meiling sighed, "I should have really been knocked out of the contest by now, it's only because Mistress Flandre broke the rules that I'm even still in..."

Lightly blushing, Sakuya looked up to Meiling with a smile and patted her girlfriend on the shoulder. "I don't know if you've noticed, Meiling... but Hecatia and Marisa seem to care a lot less about the finer details of rules than I do. I think it's fine."

Finally a calm, relaxed smile crept its way onto Meiling's face. Was it really that simple? After all that, everyone was okay with her just... remaining in the contest?

"Now, put this back on," Sakuya held Meiling's dress out, “let's get you to the finale!"

Meiling gazed dotingly at Sakuya, but shook her head. "No, I don't want the dress holding me back. Knowing I might have to go up against Konngara..." she shuddered.

Sakuya scrunched her eyes shut with a blush. "A-all right." she muttered shyly. She snapped her fingers, and Meiling's neatly-folded clothes vanished. The finger-snap was entirely for show, but Sakuya had most likely put them somewhere safe.

"In any case, since judge impartiality doesn't seem to matter to anyone _else_..." Sakuya turned an eye towards Marisa, who was _impudently_ poking at Meiling's chiselled stomach, " _-Ahhem-_!! I'll be accompanying you for the rest of the contest, Meiling."

A pink glow warmed Meiling's cheeks. "... R-really!? I-I mean uh... why?"

Sakuya assertively snatched Meiling’s hand and tugged her out of the room. "Marisa, get to the foyer, will you?" she yelled back to the drunken witch. Marisa simply saluted back with a snicker.

The dining hall was now completely dark and empty; the lights had probably been killed by the energy surges of the kitchen's battle.

Tables and chairs had been knocked over by other brawls, some snapped or broken. Food and drink was tragically splattered all over the floors; whether by scuffles or in drunken merriment, it was hard to tell. Sakuya kept pulling Meiling by the hand into the centre of the room, away from the light of the kitchen.

Sakuya then stopped, took a deep breath in, and span around to face Meiling. Even though it was dark, Meiling could make out a blush and a pout on the elegant maid's face. "... Marisa was staring at you rather a bit too much."

"... You've had quite a lot to drink, huh."

"Yes." Sakuya pressed a couple of tired fingers to her forehead. "I _may_ be a little tipsy, but in the interests of enjoying tonight's festivities I couldn't help but feel that I was wasting a special evening by not spending it with you. Seeing how... laid-back Marisa and Hecatia were about this whole mess, made me realise I truly had no reason to care so much about 'rules' myself."

Meiling was subconsciously hunched forward, her fists balled by her face, blinking beaming puppy-dog eyes, "A-aww Sakuya...!! I really wanted to spend time with you today, too-!!"

Sakuya took Meiling's hands, and leant her face in to peck her girlfriend on the cheek. Her breath smelled of booze - it was amazing that she could drink so much and still only end up _slightly_ tipsy. Out of habit, Meiling pecked her cheek back.

"I know... perhaps I should have taken this contest as an excuse to get off work, rather than immediately making more work for myself?” Sakuya gave a humbled giggle, then squeezed Meiling's hands, “Maybe that's what I get for always playing the role of someone who pretends she's really cool and aloof."

"You _are_ really cool, Sakuya." Meiling tilted her head with a smile, affectionately brushing Sakuya’s hands with her thumbs.

"I know," Sakuya nodded confidently, "but it's more entertaining to have people think I'm only pretending to be cool."

Sakuya showing Meiling affection wasn't exactly rare, but it really was enough to brighten up Meiling's mood at times like this. Meiling leaned to peck Sakuya back on the cheek again, and Sakuya pecked back again - out of habit.

"W-well if you insist...” Meiling pulled back, gently tugging Sakuya in the direction of the hallway from earlier, “I guess there's nothing stopping you from tagging along and seeing how I lose this thing." she said with a sheepish grin.

Sakuya followed deftly after Meiling, ever-maintaining a proper air about her. "I'll have no complaints, so long as I have the opportunity to closely scrutinise your ' _form_ ' for myself. That really _should_ have been my job all along, don't you think?" she said, awfully flirtily, _still_ maintaining a proper air about her. Incredible. Meiling might have seen a deepened blush on her girlfriend's face, but she was too busy heading towards the hallway in order to hide her own profuse blush.

... Any fluffy feelings immediately fizzled out the moment Meiling pulled the door open, though.

"Uh... you said I was one of the last contestants, right...?" Meiling's teeth chattered.

Sakuya approached Meiling from behind, and gave her a firm nod.

A horrible smell was coming from the hallway; the same hallway Meiling had sensed Konngara in earlier. A few unconscious oni lay outside that door, stained in each others' blood. Lampad weapons were scattered about the hallway, without any lampads left to hold them. Even if nothing besides fairies had 'died', it still stunk of death.

Meiling avoided the temptation to take a deep breath, or gulp. She'd just end up gagging if she did.

"... There's something up the hallway." Meiling clenched her fist and centred her ki, cautiously stepping through the door into the hall. It was the same, dark presence she felt in this hallway earlier.

If she had to guess... her final opponent would probably be Konngara.

Meiling and Sakuya stepped carefully over the unconscious, the number of bodies growing the further they went. Actually, the further down the hall they got, the more freshly disturbed dust appeared to be hanging in the air.

It indicated that whatever had happened nearer the door to the foyer was... recent.

"... Did you hear that?" Meiling entered a defensive stance, instinctively guarding Sakuya.

Sakuya gave Meiling's side a playful pat, "I don't know, did I?" she smirked, "I'm still a judge, so I won't say."

Ah... that made sense. Meiling briefly glanced back at Sakuya and stuck her tongue out. Truth be told Meiling didn't need Sakuya's confirmation anyway, she had certainly heard something. Plus there was an unmistakable red haze in the air, one that grew thicker and thicker as they advanced.

Meiling's stance firmed; she prepared to be set upon at any moment.

The deeper into the dark haze they wandered, the more evident it became that it was emanating from... something. Something on the ground.

Meiling squinted, edging closer to the dark shape. A mess of black hair sprawling in every direction. Heavy, pained breathing. What appeared to be a murky pool of blood... were all coming from...

"K-Konngara...!?" Meiling exclaimed. Only taking a brief moment for shock, Meiling quickly but cautiously approached the body, her arms taking a steadier more defensive stance the closer she drew.

The body coughed. White eyes juttered open. Unfocused, trembling, her pupils honed in on Meiling, sending shivers through her spine.

"Hahh... the gatekeeper." her throat strained, "Yes, it is I, Konngara."

"This isn't a trap, is it?" Meiling frowned, quickly scanning her eyes and ki over the woman's body.

"What do you think?" Konngara smirked weakly.

It was pretty self-explanatory, actually. Konngara was on the brink of unconsciousness, her dark energy oozing out all over the place. "I may come from a shrine in Hell, but I am still an Astral Knight. I am above such trickery."

' _I have no idea what that is or what it has to do with anything._ ' Meiling thought to herself. Still, sensing Konngara's genuine fragility Meiling finally set down at her side anyway. "Konngara, what happened here?"

Konngara tried to lift her head from the ground, looking Meiling in the eyes, "I-Ibara..." she wheezed a cough, "I was picking off the last of the small-fry, when that woman tore through here like it was nothing, leaving a deep black smoke in her wake..."

Ibara? As in Kasen Ibara, that kind-natured hermit who hung out at Hakurei Shrine all the time?

"A-are you sure it was her?" Meiling glared back at Konngara, "I haven't seen her fight before, but this... sh-she's just a hermit, isn't she?"

Konngara wheezed another cough, thunking her head back to the floor, "That 'hermit'... is far stronger than she looks... a-and she... seems _hell-bent_ on facing _you_ in the finale."

"Oh my god!?" Meiling screamed out loud, ' _If I have to hear **one** more hell pun I'm going to **punch myself in the face**!?_' she screamed internally.

Sakuya nodded, placing a concerned hand on Meiling's shoulder, "I don't get it either Meiling, why _you_?"

' _That's not what I was screaming about but that's true too. Why **me**!?_'

"I-I don't normally take sides, but..." Konngara’s voice strained as she reached for Meiling's hand. Meiling reached back, and held it delicately as Konngara continued, "this conversation is the most screentime I've gotten in over two decades... I will never forget your kindness... please, be careful."

"I had literally no idea what you were talking about for most of it," Meiling gently laid Konngara's hand back down again, "but thanks. All I can do now is... face the finale, head-on."

Meiling stood tall, faced the door leading back to the foyer, and clenched her fists in determination.

"By the way," Sakuya turned to Konngara before they headed off, "Are you all right? You're bleeding all over the floor, you know."

"N-nah... I am fine," Konngara coughed, clutching her stomach in pain, "my body just does that when I lie down."

"Oh."

"My lower-half is out of phase with reality due to a horrible curse placed on the Silent Shrine. So when I lie down my red robes are just like... splooodge, and seep all over the place. It is a long, tragic, and exceptionally interesting story, but if it piques your curiosity I suppose I am willing to reveal my deeply held secrets."

"I'm good thanks." Sakuya waved politely, before skipping adorably after Meiling.

Meiling, clutching her heart, taking a deep breath, clearing her mind and her heart of unnecessary thoughts and feelings... placed a composed hand on the doorknob at the end of the hallway.

She calmly pulled the door open and swiftly stepped through back into the massive foyer; the room where this whole mess had begun.

A huge space in the centre of the entrance hall had been cleared as an arena. Ornaments and furniture moved aside, chairs set up for onlookers to view from. Judging from the size of the crowd, it was already common knowledge that the finale would be held here.

Meiling stepped cautiously towards the centre of the room, scanning the crowds. Hecatia was sat, or laid rather, casually across two chairs. It didn't look like a particularly comfortable way to sit, but she seemed entertained.

Yuugi and Flandre were sitting together, still chatting happily. A bunch of defeated skeletons and oni were idling around, nursing various injuries and concussions but generally appearing to be in good spirits.

Some of these guests definitely hadn’t been here earlier either. Lady Satori and Miss Rin from the underground, who had been visiting cordially more often lately, were conversing away with Mistress Remilia, all overlooking the entrance hall from atop the grand staircase.

Even more familiar was Reimu, the Hakurei Shrine maiden, with Sanae, the Moriya Shrine maiden. Marisa had already gotten back too, and was drunkenly pushing a mead jug into Sanae's hands while Sanae violently shook her head and hopped backwards. Ah. Reimu just whacked Marisa in the head and took the mead for herself.

All eyes had turned to Meiling and Sakuya the moment they entered the room; but by far the most commanding presence in the room would have to be Kasen Ibara.

Hovering in the air, legs crossed. Kasen meditated, completely still. Her carefully controlled energies made her presence near-invisible; it was the awesome sight of her tranquillity combined with the unexpectedness of her appearance in the finale that made her so fascinating.

"I'd better go to the sidelines myself," Sakuya said. She gripped Meiling's shoulder, then spun around the gatekeeper's front and pressed her lips to Meiling's. Meiling subconsciously leaned into the kiss, savouring the short moment with a smile.

Sakuya eased back. "Good luck, sweetie,” she flashed her girlfriend a confident smile, “no matter the reasons for it, I still think you're extremely cool for getting to the finals."

"Thanks, Sakuya..." Meiling blushed, a warm emotional ease comfortably snuggling up against the ki centred in the core of her body, "l-love you!"

"I love you, too." Sakuya grinned back, "Go get 'em hottie." before vanishing into thin air and appearing alongside Hecatia within microseconds.

Feeling good in herself, Meiling strode with conviction towards Kasen. "Let's get this over with so we can all eat and drink together, huh?" she said cordially.

"I couldn't agree more,” Kasen sighed, opening her eyes. Her feet touched gently to the ground, and she entered a quiet, defensive stance, "this whole contest is absurd, and in the end my whole reason for taking part was a waste of time." she huffed and shook her head.

Meiling forced an awkward smile. Kasen always seemed so polite and composed, but she seemed a little grumpy right now. "Uh... does that have anything to do with me, perchance?"

"I only came here in the first place on a bet with Yuugi that we'd meet in the finals, but she went and lost on a technicality because of this mansion's zany residents," The hermit shrugged irritably, "and I know it's not literally _your_ fault, but..." she entered a combative stance, "if I couldn't fight _her_ in the finals, I'll just have to settle for the woman who got her knocked out instead!"

So... even _Kasen_ had a secret petty side? Meiling couldn't help but chuckle to herself. No one in Gensokyo really was totally infallible, huh...

"I want a fair fight, too," Meiling responded assuredly. She shuffled her feet on the ground slightly, preparing to take the defensive, "and I promise you that's my intention."

Kasen wasn’t interested in pleasantries though.

Before Meiling could even blink, Kasen darted for her stomach with a swift jab. Meiling's defensive right arm and left hand carried and absorbed Kasen's blow, pivoting Meiling's body softly to the right and causing Kasen's lunge to ultimately fizzle out as she hopped away from Meiling again.

All this had happened before Meiling even fully realised she was being attacked; her subconscious mastery of tai chi not showing a spec of rust.

It felt good.

"Very good," Kasen nodded coolly, a serious grin flickering on her face, "it's not every day I get to duel such a disciplined martial artist."

Meiling considered the kinds of people Kasen usually hung out with. A shrine maiden who acts like she mastered combat through fluke. A magician whose makeshift magic was the definition of chaotic. An oni who prefers an old-fashioned brawl. Yeah, Meiling could see why Kasen said that.

No time to think, Kasen leapt directly at Meiling again, this time swiping a low kick intending to knock the gatekeeper off-balance. With a subconscious hop, Meiling dodged the kick and barged her elbow into Kasen's side, knocking the hermit off course. Still driven by the momentum of her leg sweep though, Kasen drove her left fist to knock Meiling's elbow away, then pulled it back and thrust her right fist forward.

Meiling initially believed she was a safe distance away from Kasen's right fist, but that brief lapse in judgement saw Kasen land a clean blow to Meiling's stomach, causing her to wince and jump back for breath.

' _H-how did she hit me from that far...?_ ' Meiling's eyes, quickly surveying the situation, noticed a dusty black smoke hovering around Kasen's right arm - the arm covered in bandages. Was there something unusual about that arm? A prosthetic, perhaps? ' _I'll just have to keep an extra close eye on that arm, then!_ '

Finally taking the offensive herself, Meiling lunged to clasp her left fist over Kasen's right to hold it down. She tugged herself closer before Kasen could react with her free arm, and drove her knee into Kasen's stomach. Kasen smacked Meiling away with her left hand, but Meiling absorbed the blow by moving left herself, resiliently refusing to loosen her grip on Kasen's bandaged arm.

Meiling grinned, entertaining the confident thought that she'd already figured out Kasen's weak spot. Within moments though, Kasen twisted on the spot to clamp down Meiling's free fist with impressive force.

For a moment, the women caught each others' fiery gazes, both grinning, hearts racing faster, the thrill of the bout catching up to them. The combatants dug the toes of their footwear to the ground and intensified the force of their grips, aiming to overpower the other and make them lose balance to gain the upper hand.

' _Nggh... she really is... strong...!_ ' Meiling clenched her teeth, pushing hard to keep her left fist on Kasen's bandaged arm while Kasen crushed her right fist.

Kasen briefly looked to the ground with a low-growl, "Hhhra _aaA **AGH**_!" she yelled as she shot her glare up again to meet Meiling, bangs flinging from her face.

Suddenly, Meiling felt an unnerving force swell into her left fist's grip, as if pushing and rumbling out from the inside. In a panic of uncertainty, Meiling's eyesight flashed to her own hand to see that a black, dusty smoke appeared to be leaking out from her skin. Her heart skipped a beat in fear - it felt like Kasen’s bandaged hand was about to explode.

Within moments, Meiling was blown several feet back as Kasen's bandaged arm blew her back with incredible force.

Meiling's eyes jolted wide open in shock, her feet desperately sensing the ground around her for a foothold - there! A rough section of rug. Meiling ducked to the right, slipping away from Kasen's extending arm, and bounced back with one strong push of her right leg, sending her hurtling back towards the hermit.

 **-CRASH-** Meiling's right fist met Kasen's elbow block, Kasen drove her knee up into Meiling's chin, Meiling swung her left foot to hit Kasen's leg away, then dragged her left fist in uppercut then right-kick to blow Kasen clean to the ground. Kasen shot her bandaged arm to the ground to immediately bounce herself back, lunging a dive kick towards Meiling, who crossed her arms over her face to block before shooting a kick directly up into Kasen's face, who drove her fists down to smash Meiling back down towards the ground.

With each and every clash, the ferocity and velocity of the finesse of their counters only intensified. Before long they appeared to be moving so quickly that the only possible explanation for their lightning-fast reactions was the disciplined muscle memory they had both learned over decades, possibly even _centuries_ of dedicated martial arts training.

Thunk, _thunk_ , thud, thudda _thudda whack_ **thwack** _fwack_ , tump tump _fwip_ , **FUMP**. Rapid dull sounds of impact, smacks of blocking, thumps of clean hits, muted grunts and the occasional whistle of a fist or leg slicing through the air.

Each strike burst with escalating energy. Sparks every colour of the rainbow flickered Meiling's arms and legs as they soared through the air, pink flames like rose petals punctuating each of Kasen's beautiful blows.

Somewhere in the audience, a nerdy green-haired shrine maiden stared in disbelief, her jaw virtually hanging to the ground.

"You're good!!" Kasen yelled spiritedly over the burgeoning bludgeoning, "it's been a long time since I faced someone with your level of martial artistry!"

"S-same to you-!" Meiling grinned back with just enough energy to avoid sounding strained, "your form is incredible, but your sheer strength... I wasn't expecting it!"

Both women were now far too thrilled by this test of reaction and resilience to be desperate for the fight to end, but intensity was unmistakably surging with every passing second.

Offence and defence only became sharper and more vicious with every clean blow made to the face or stomach. It wasn't long until rainbow-flicked flame engulfed and ignited Meiling's entire form, while Kasen's body appeared to dance with elegant crashes against Meiling’s from within a thorny cage of rose petals.

" _Rrr **RAAGH!**_ " Meiling roared, lunging both her fists to grapple Kasen's right wrist and left knee, then heaved her close and shot a knee into her stomach. Kasen reacted, shooting her bandaged hand to knock Meiling's knee away then driving a clean left-hook into Meiling's jaw.

"Hhhh **AH**!" Kasen kept up the chase, loading her knee back then delivering a series of sharp kicks to Meiling's head and knocking her off-balance. Once Meiling realised what was happening she swiftly ducked low and swept Kasen's free leg to destabilise Kasen in return. Meiling quickly jolted after her to keep up the pressure, both hands outstretched, a toothy grin across her face. Kasen flipped backwards. Landing perfectly on her feet, Kasen thrust both her hands out to swiftly catch Meiling’s after rebounding.

Abandoning the stability of ground, the combatants charged each other ferociously in the air. Meiling's fiery, rippling red hair was engulfed by a rainbow stream ignited from within, sparking like electricity as it flowed fantastically from her fists, " _rrr.. **rrrRRAAAAGHHHH!!!**_ "

Petal-like flames, dark pink and purple and red, burst with increasing intensity from Kasen’s arms, her robes flapping vigorously in the intense wind of their collisions, " _gy.. **yYYAAAAGGHH!!**_ "

Waves burst from the flowing voltage of their collided grips. Then burst again. The windy clattering of the huge chandelier above made-evident the significant physical impression of each clash. The loud crashing of their competing energies increasingly eclipsed any and all other sounds. Even their screams and yells were almost completely engulfed.

Butting foreheads, hands clasped onto each other, eyes furrowed in wild fury, mouths open in screams, eyes burning with feeling, hair hurtling behind them as if flying through G-Force, kinetic energy just kept building, building, building-

"RRRAAAAA **AA _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHH!!!_** "

... Until the tension couldn't be contained any longer.

**FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHH.**

... Silence.

Ears across the foyer adjusted to the sudden cessation of such deafening commotion, as a long, surreal silence followed the explosive discharge of energy.

Both women were blown back. Both touched gently back to the ground, appearing composed, though the wide-eyed stares they exchanged were those of stupefied shock.

 _Flop_.

Meiling stared at Kasen, breathing heavily. Kasen stared back, breathing heavily. Ah... Kasen's hair-buns had been blown out.

Meiling squinted, thinking, ‘ _what is that on Kasen's head...? Protrusions...?_ ’

Meanwhile, Kasen stared in wide-eyed horror at Meiling's own head.

Audible gasps filled the hall.

"Huh?" Meiling mumbled, stumbling forward towards Kasen, "What's with that look... what is everyone staring at?"

Meiling blinked. Meiling subconsciously felt her hand to her head.

Ah... her hat had fallen off.

Meiling blinked again, and looked back towards her opponent.

The next thing she saw was Kasen, fist glowing a thick, oppressive grey. It took less than a second for Kasen to close the distance between them.

Then, Meiling saw nothing.

...

Warm... such a warm, tender touch brushed her face.

Splash... sudden awareness that her head was extremely hot. That wet, cool cloth felt amazing.

Meiling's eyes fluttered open, to be greeted by possibly her favourite sight in the world.

"S-Sakuya..." she croaked, wincing as light flooded her eyes, "W-wha... where-..."

"Don't talk too much," Sakuya smiled sweetly, "you've been winded pretty badly, so take it easy."

That would explain the sudden, desperate wheezing. Meiling coughed and gasped for air as it rushed back to her lungs. She wheezed another strained cough. She had to stop coughing. Meiling gasped in desperately and-... okay... okay that's a bit better.

Meiling breathed in heavily a few more times, then finally groaned.

"I-... I lost, huh..." Meiling mumbled, limply bringing a hand up to soothe her head. She'd been blown unconscious, but this actually felt more like a hangover, "is it okay if I sit up?"

"Yes," Sakuya leaned in to give Meiling a doting kiss on the forehead, then nodded, “be careful though, all right?"

Slowly, carefully, Meiling heaved herself up supported by Sakuya. Once she'd risen to a sit, she breathed heavily and leaned her weight into her girlfriend. Sakuya shut her eyes, and comfortably rested her head against Meiling’s shoulder.

"That's my gatekeeper." came Remilia's voice from behind them. She flew daintily around to Meiling's front and gave her a quick once-over, then a gentle smile, "you made it all the way to the finale! Most excellent, _most_ excellent! Why, you may have excelled beyond even the fate I saw for you."

' _So she thought I'd lose earlier? Amazing vote of confidence._ ' Meiling grinned stiffly, "Th-thank you, Mistress. I'm really surprised I did so well."

"Yo, yer awake." Marisa waved as she wandered over to them, seeming a little more sober than earlier. She was followed by Hecatia, who looked thoroughly, _thoroughly_ pleased with herself, and Kasen, who was crossing her arms with a sheepish, apologetic smile. Kasen seemed to have found her hair buns again.

"But there were no horns!" Marisa sighed loudly, throwing her hands behind her head, "I was really disappointed."

"H-horns!?" Meiling raised an eyebrow and jolted in surprise, then clutched her stinging stomach, "Wh-what kind of youkai did you _think_ I was!?"

" _A dragon!!_ " Marisa flung her arms out in exasperation, as if it were somehow Meiling's _fault_ that Marisa had gotten the wrong idea.

"Wh-what the heck made you think I was a _dragon youkai_!?" Meiling snapped back, gripping her poor stomach as Sakuya stroked her shoulder comfortingly.

"That character on your hat says 'dragon'! I asked someone who speaks Chinese, ya can't fool me!"

" _ **I**_ speak Chinese! It's just a hat that says 'dragon' on it!!"

"Now now, Marisa," Sakuya sighed gently, "let my hero rest, all right? All of us in the mansion already know the kind of youkai Meiling is."

"Oh yeah?" Marisa thunked her fists to her hips with a suspicious squint, "Whats'at then?"

"Adorable dork youkai." Sakuya threw her arms around Meiling's neck from behind, and kissed her fiery red hair.

"Sakuyaa..." Meiling blushed.

"Cute girlfriend youkai." Sakuya refused to let up, nuzzling her nose into the back of Meiling's neck.

"Sakuya!!" Meiling giggled, leaning back into Sakuya and affectionately brushing the maid's cheek with the back of her hand.

Kasen stepped forward, arms still crossed. Her stiff smile relaxed into a kinder, more motherly smile as she saw Meiling's carefree attitude though. "I'm glad you seem to be in good spirits, Meiling. I apologise for suddenly getting too serious at the end there."

"Oh yeah,” Meiling turned towards Kasen with a blink, "what about the little bumps on _your_ head, huh Kasen? And that power... you sure you're not secretly an oni?" Meiling smirked, figuring it was time for Kasen to get a little teasing too after the whining she had just endured from Marisa.

"Huh!?" Marisa span around and stared up at Kasen, "What's she sayin'!? You got horns!?"

For a moment, Meiling could have sworn she saw Kasen shoot her a glare so horrifically malicious that her whole life flashed before her eyes. Had she been imagining it?

W-wait... come to think of it... Kasen _had_ seemed to be in a huge hurry to end the match once she realised her hair buns had been blown off...

Mere seconds after giving Meiling the fright of her life though, Kasen was giving them all kind smiles once again. "Of course I don't have _horns,_ " she rolled her eyes in amusement, "th-they're beans! I just loove beans, y'know!?"

"Oh yeaaah?" Marisa shoved her nose all up in Kasen's business, keeping her fists planted assertively on her hips, "if that'sa case, how come you didn't request us to serve any beans in the party food!? I ain't seen a single bean here."

It was then that Meiling noticed Remilia staring in fascination at Kasen, chin cupped in her hand. Remilia grinned, then put her hand to her chest, "Because _I_ detest beans. Oni _hate_ beans, and vampires are a more _royal_ variety of oni; do not be so inconsiderate, magician." the Mistress reprimanded Marisa.

"B-but-!" Marisa pointed at Remilia, then back at Kasen, "b-but Meiling's right, I definitely saw somethin'! Under Kasen's hair buns!!"

"If she loves beans, there is no possibility she can be an oni." Remilia declared with an air of absolute finality, "That is simply that."

Marisa held a black-gloved finger in the air for a moment, her mouth hung open as she tried to find an argument. "B-but... but... I dunno, man..." she sighed and slumped over, scrunching her eyebrows and pinching the bridge of her nose deep in thought as if on the cusp of a huge breakthrough.

"Marisa, maybe you got confused because I hang out with Yuugi a lot?" Kasen huffed a smile at Marisa and patted the hat on her head.

Somehow feeling a little guilty for getting everyone on Kasen's case-n, Meiling tried to change the subject. "A-anyway-!! What does Kasen win? This was a pretty tough competition, after all!"

Marisa looked at Hecatia. Hecatia looked back at Marisa, tilting her head curiously. "You know what," Hecatia said, "we really didn't think that far ahead. This was just a way to give a bunch of folk from Hell a great festive season, and I think we succeeded!"

"Whoo!" Marisa threw her arms up.

Kasen was most definitely not amused, but she didn't appear too upset either. She put a hand to her forehead and shook her head, before shrugging. "A party I can spend with Yuugi is a rare treat, so that'll do for now."

"For now," Hecatia nodded, "righty ho. Well, if I think of something really sick to give you, I'll let you know! The rest of you, the competition's over so like... go eat! Drink! Be merry!! Consider the Hells DECKED!"

Someone stood behind Remilia snorted an ugly laugh at Hecatia's billionth title drop... L-Lady Satori!? How _could_ she!?

Meiling flinched. Meiling's eyebrow twitched. Luckily, her arm was still too tired, too busy being cuddled by Sakuya, to possibly punch herself in the face.

"Let's get some food in you and finally enjoy the party together, hm?" Sakuya gripped Meiling's arm possessively and smiled sweetly at her. Meiling turned back to Sakuya, beaming adoringly, and nodded.

Sakuya quickly fetched Meiling's clothes again, gave them a quick pampering brush-down, and Meiling was looking good as new.

Well, besides the exhaustion in her eyes.

Meiling and Sakuya made their way over to an impressive food spread on a table surrounded by familiar faces, and started helping themselves. Finally, _this_ was more like a party! The moment Meiling got some meat and mead in her system she felt her energy coming back to her pretty quickly. 

_Finally_ , Meiling could relax! She groaned in delight as the taste of roast pork filled her nose and her mouth at the same time, making Sakuya giggle and brush affectionately into her side. This was the life! This wa- ' _O-oh god oh god what's that feeling shit shit shit._ '

A horrible, dark aura suddenly washed through Meiling's mind. What was going on!? **-COUGH COUGH-** Meiling spluttered in panic, choking slightly on her food.

"Reimu Hakurei! Goodness, it's been such a long time!"

Ah. Konngara. That would be why.

Sakuya calmly, expertly patted Meiling on the back, "Chew properly, babe."

"Th-thanks, honey..." Meiling mumbled. She still hadn't fully recovered from how on-edge that competition had made her feel.

"Behold how you've grown! Why, you were but a child when you defeated me all those years ago. Do you remember me, perchance!?" Konngara, holding a tall glass of mead and seeming quite tipsy indeed, sidled up next to Reimu attempting to make idle chat. Sanae possessively hugged at Reimu's arm.

"Yes, Meira," Reimu rolled her eyes, smirking at Konngara, "I remember you by now, you don't have to keep asking like this. Is your memory failing you, huh?"

"U-uh... It's Konngara..." the knight's posture virtually collapsed. _There's_ a woman who can never catch a break, huh.

"Okay yeah I definitely don't know you then," Reimu rubbed the side of her head, pouting in confusion, "sorry 'bout that."

"Uhm, Miss," Sanae edged forward towards Konngara, "did you know that your robes are sort of... haemorrhaging fuzziness."

Konngara slumped so hard that she looked like her whole body was going to leak onto the ground. "Yes, well," she mumbled, "that's normal, yes."

"Heeyyy!!" Meiling slapped a playful hand onto Konngara's shoulder, " _You_ need another _drink_! Whoa, why don’t we all have a drink together, huh!?" she refilled Konngara, Reimu and Sanae's drinks. She felt so bad for Konngara that she just had to salvage and lighten the conversation somehow. "S-so Reimu, I notice you and Sanae aren't swapping colours or anything this year, huh!? And what about _your_ Christmas party, did we get you totally beat!?"

"Huh...? That was yesterday..." Reimu twirled the drink in her glass and took a sip. She winced at it "God this is sweet..." she mumbled to herself, shrugged, and started downing it again.

Meiling rubbed the side of her head “O-oh.” she smiled stiffly.

Sanae nodded, "Yeah that’s a Christmas Eve thing not a Christmas Day thing, and it went amazingly! We decided to go with our own colours this year," she hummed, politely setting her own glass of mead away. Far, _far_ away. "'cus Reimu said the green outfit she wore last year would look really cute on me, right babe?"

Reimu blushed as deeply red as her ribbon, looking down and blowing bubbles into her drink. "Y-yeah. That's right." she muttered, leaning comfortably into a giggling Sanae's side.

Sanae gave Reimu a playful squeeze and a peck on the cheek, before pointing accusingly at Meiling, "Anyway, Meiling! You're Christmas colours yourself, remember? But I don't see a single Christmas tree here today!!"

"Flandre would make a pretty good Christmas tree herself," Reimu pointed over in the direction of Flandre across the room, who was now chatting with Orin, "Look at her wings, Sanae."

"Oh my god..." Sanae's voice drifted off in amazement, "wasted opportunity!! Though not as big a wasted opportunity as the fact there are skeletons everywhere and yet I didn't spot a single Nightmare Before Christmas reference during this entire story."

"What's she talking about?" Meiling asked.

"Beats me." Reimu shrugged.

Sakuya approached the shrine maiden couple from behind and patted them both on the shoulder with a sigh, "Anyway, we simply didn't want to copy your _excellent_ idea of making people look like trees."

"I-it only sounds stupid when you put it like that..." Sanae mumbled.

"Imagine if we made Mistress Flandre the centrepiece of attention for a whole night? She'd probably trip over in excitement and scrape her poor knee."

"Would that really happen..." Reimu muttered.

Meiling continued to force friendly laughter as a very irritated Kasen and an awkwardly grinning Yuugi approached the table, tailed closely by Marisa. Marisa was holding a magnifying glass and was staring at Kasen's hair through it; oh dear.

"You know what?" Kasen sighed loudly as she approached the table and swiped up Sanae's untouched glass of mead. "I think I've decided what I want my prize to be."

"OH!?" Hecatia's disembodied voice suddenly boiled up from the ground and the goddess fizzled into view right in front of them. Meiling jolted a hand to her chest in shock, this evening was definitely bad for her heart!!

Kasen nodded exasperatedly at Hecatia. "Yep. Get Marisa off my back."

"... Huh. That's all?" Hecatia put a finger to her chin, floating over to Marisa's side.

"Yep. That's all." Kasen nodded again, very vigorously.

Hecatia flicked her hair to the side and snatched Marisa's wrists, making Marisa yelp an uncharacteristically high-pitched squeak.

Then Hecatia tugged Marisa towards her with a flirtatious giggle, and... kissed her.

' _!? **HUH!!??**_ ' Meiling stumbled backwards into the table in shock as Marisa threw her arms around Hecatia's neck and drunkenly kissed her back. Sanae held her hands over her eyes, peeking out slightly between fingers. Konngara looked like she had a migraine. Sakuya just laughed.

After an agonisingly weird five-to-ten seconds, Hecatia pulled away from Marisa's elated red face with a jovially playful grin, and ruffled the hat on Marisa's head. "Happy Holidays, you lot! Now I have to finish tucking my poor lampad into bed, so. Toodles~!" she waved.

And with a poof, Hecatia was gone.

"Huhwhu-h..." Marisa giggled in a daze, a goofy grin dominating her expression. "Thiss is like... the only way this day could be better than it is righ’ now is if I finally made up wi' Patchy... _-hic-_ " she wiped her face with an emotional sniff.

Okay she definitely wasn't that drunk before the kiss. Was it possible for a kiss to be literally intoxicating!?

**-SLAM-**

Of course before even a shred of normalcy could return, the set of grand doors to the right of the foyer slammed open.

The door to the library.

Ah. There she was. She was stomping closer. Oh, she seemed to be pretty mad. Oh boy, the mansion _was_ making a huge ruckus up til now, after all. Poor woman probably just wanted to read in peace. Meiling quietly, guiltily sipped at her mead as Sakuya stepped forward.

"Good evening, Lady Patchouli," Sakuya appeared beside the purple-haired magician, politely holding a jug and a glass filled with rich, sweet, red alcohol, "would you care for a glass of mead? I'm told it's been brought directly from Greece."

Sensing the start of a commotion, other party participants including Remilia and Satori begun to gather around the group Patchouli had stormed up to.

"Hey, Patch." Remilia sheepishly rubbed the side of her head. "I truly am sorry if we made too much noise tonight, I shall make it up to you!"

" _ **YOU!!**_ " Patchouli yelled in an uncharacteristically frustrated tone, spinning on her heel to face Marisa. She stomped right up to the blonde magician, getting all up in her face until they were almost nose-to-nose.

"Me?" Marisa pointed at herself in confusion, reeling her head back slightly.

Patchouli nodded, almost headbutting Marisa, "I can _handle_ a rowdy Scarlet Devil Mansion party, believe me I'm used to it. I only get migraines this bad when _you're_ in the building."

Marisa kept trying to meekly edge back away from her furious girlfriend, placing her hands comfortingly on her shoulders. "U-uh... are you mad, or are you tryna kiss me?"

Patchouli pushed her face into Marisa's. Well, that answered that. Marisa swept Patchouli off her feet, cradling her neck and pulling her into a very showily romantic kiss, as Patchouli giggled and threw her arms around Marisa's neck.

"What the heck." Meiling's eyes lidded in disbelief.

"That's a little better," Patchouli, giggling, wiped a rebellious smile off her face with her sleeve. "b-but I'm still _MAD_ at you!!"

"W-why, hon’!!" Marisa flung her arms out. "I only borrowed like 16 books from you last time-!!"

"It's not that," Patchouli, going bright pink in the face, shoved her hands into one of her deep pockets, "it's because of _THESE_ THINGS." she whipped a pair of reading glasses out and shoved them in Marisa’s face.

A dejected frown spread across Marisa's face. She looked almost... heartbroken. "Y-ya mean my anniversary gift t' you?"

"You enchanted my _reading glasses_ so the lenses would go all sparkly and pink whenever I looked at you!" Patchouli wheezed in exasperation, "and I can't get the charm to stop, it started to get so bad that I almost became convinced that it was all in my head!!"

Marisa calmly put her hands on Patchouli's shoulders and nodded. "Aight. I can find ya a new pair of glasses, doncha worry."

"These are from EUROPE! They're a keepsake from my old home!! Can't you just undo the charm!?"

"I only studied how t' cast it, I dunno if there's a way to undo it." Marisa shrugged. She seriously did not appear to be understanding the weight of Patchouli's crisis here.

Sakuya sidled up to Meiling and hugged into her side. "I'm glad we never fall out over things like that, sweetie." she hummed, leaning up to give Meiling an affectionate peck on the cheek. Meiling returned a kiss on Sakuya's cheek, the mutual habit they had shared for years.

Remilia approached the couple and sipped at a fancy glass of red liquid, as she watched Marisa and Patchouli with an entertained smile. It _was_ definitely still mead she was drinking, despite posh appearances.

The Mistress chuckled, "Ahh... you know what they say," she looked up to Meiling and Sakuya with a genuine, festive grin, " _Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned._ "

Meiling punched herself in the face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutouts to all the SatoRemi fans!
> 
> It's a little late, but in the end I was only around two days behind schedule! I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> In the end, "Deck the Hells" was much more an action fic starring Meiling than a SakuMei fic, so I hope to find the opportunity to write some SakuMei romance and give Sakuya a bigger role in the future.
> 
> An Xmas action fic is a surprising concept, but this ended up being the first time I'd ever really had big dedicated action scenes; the action scene in "Crush (on) Your Rival" was still more a conversation than a battle scene and I've always struggled with writing battles before.
> 
> I'm especially interested to see thoughts on Meiling vs Kasen, the actions were really cool and Dragon Ball-like in my head, but getting that down in words was tough. I'm happier with it than I thought I'd be though.
> 
> Meiling lined up perfectly as the protagonist this time. I wanted someone to "deck" youkai from Hell, and I wanted to write SakuMei. Her point of view works great with the absurd tone of the story too. There was no better fit!
> 
> Meiling and Sakuya had a small role in last year's Reimu/Sanae Xmas fic, so I decided to give Reimu and Sanae a cute cameo in this one. The small continuity thread between both fics is really fun. Satori and Orin didn't have any speaking lines but I wanted a few more cameos, and I wanted to hint at a friendly relationship between Remilia and Satori.
> 
> Overall, I hope you enjoyed the character portrayals. Writing Hecatia was tons of fun and I can't wait to do it again, and writing Marisa is /always/ a delight. The little subplot about Marisa and Patchy's relationship issue was really fun, it gave me an excuse to use the beloved poly-Marisa hc as well as portray the kind of bizarre-yet-charming person Marisa can be in a relationship.
> 
> I'm also pretty proud of how I implemented Kasen into this and used it as an opportunity to comically lampshade the old "Meiling is a dragon" theory. When WaHH was ongoing there were lots of fandom jokes about Kasen likely hiding being an oni. Now that it's over, I wanted to joke about the lengths she's still willing to go to to keep it from Marisa etc.
> 
> Lastly, this was the first time in my works that pc98-era gets so heavily referenced. The way Reimu is convinced she doesn't know Konngara is reminiscent of how she treats Alice in PCB and how she treats Yuuka in Strange Creators of Outer World. Poor Konngara.
> 
> Anyway, until next time!  
> \-------------------
> 
> Xmas 2018 romcom fic: "Moriya Christmas!"  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/17155994
> 
> For a more serious/plotty fic: "A World Without You"  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/14279868/chapters/32938752


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